A Pet Grief Observed: Part 2

Donovan's ashes return today and my heart is heavy. I've never cremated a pet before and I'm overwhelmed with indecision. Do I spread her ashes somewhere? No, she would never want to be back outside. She loved having a home and living inside. Do I buy an urn? If so, what kind do I get? The vet explained her ashes will be in a simple wood box. Donovan loved simple. Maybe I should keep the simple box... but I want to honor Donovan in some way that captures the treasure she was to me.

I've been reading about ways to memorialize your pet. Some suggest planting a tree. I do need to replace a palm tree in the back yard. Should I have a new one installed in her honor? All I can think about is what if that palm tree dies? My previous palm tree planting experience has only yielded a 50% success rate. I don't want to deal with a tree for Donovan dying. Others recommend donating money in the pet's memory to a non-kill shelter or animal rescue group. I like that idea. Having a painting or drawing of your pet commissioned sounds nice too. Creating a memory box is another good thought.

Thus far I haven't been able to part with much of anything that had to do with Donovan. I did empty and clean her litterbox, but broke down and cried. The finality of her never using the box again hit me hard. I threw away her unused dry food but will donate her remaining can food to an animal rescue group. I still have her favorite toys and blankets which I will undoubtedly add to her memory box.

What I have to say next, may enter the creepy phase of memory tokens. Some background information is warranted. I loved Donovan's fur. She had such an unusual coat in that the black section of her fur was white underneath. Each individual black strand of her fur was half black and half white. I spent a lot of time brushing Donovan. It was a great way for us to bond and spend quality one on one time together. With all that said, I saved several strands of Donovan's fur and put it in a small decorative bottle. I don't know if that borders on unusual or odd, but I wanted to keep part of her as she was and also wanted to always be able to see her beautiful fur.

At times, I still find myself looking for her or talking to her. My life is simply not the same without her. I'm afraid to pick up her ashes today at the vet. I miss petting her. I miss holding her. I miss her. I miss her love.