Shia's Bad Day

Abject humiliation. That's the only way to describe it. The morning had a chill to it, so I ventured off the porch to warm myself in the sun. I was laying in the mulch when I first felt it... a sharp, itching sort of pain in an unmentionable place. I did the only thing I could, I told Queen Abbi. She in turn told the female human: "Shia's got a tick on her butt!!!" It's then that I had a decision to make. Allow the human to verify this most unfortunate occurrence or claw her eyes out. I shamefully confess, I surrendered but only for my greater good. After a few hours she returned with poison. I knew it. Why did I ever trust a human? She was going to exact revenge for all of the times I tried to kill her. As I prepared my escape strategy my nose became distracted by the heavenly smell of tuna. Apparently she was kind enough to provide me with my last meal. I figured there's no point letting perfectly good tuna go to waste so I sat down next to her to consume this deliciousness. I slightly sensed something touch me between my shoulder blades and then felt moisture collect. She had actually administered the poison while I ate. "Oh, she's good" I thought. It's difficult to see but the small wet patch of fur between my shoulders is where she placed her death mark on me.

I wasn't sure what to expect but other than the spot getting itchy, nothing catastrophic happened. Throughout the day the human continued to shower me with pity, however death did not come. The next day I realized the only thing that was dead was the tick. What do I do now? My entire belief system about humans has been challenged! Perhaps I will bring her a mouse or maybe a bird to show my gratitude and then I may, without guilt, continue to plan her demise.